Movement at the station

Well we are up to week 4, just about time to re-do our fitness test.

Week 1 I lost over 2 kg, yippee
Week 2 I lost 400grms
Week 3 I put on 300 grams.

I was so disappointed, not big numbers and I so thought I would pull big numbers, I am a big girl after all, and I had been eating better than ever and exercising more than ever and harder that ever. I have lost 5cms around my waist and I am feeling better, fitter and also less just general downs. As per usual my head did get caught up in the number and I didn't stop to focus on the positives, I had some pringles and some choc. Even when I bought them I knew it was in my head, I just didn't fight it, I am not even sure why just cos.

I worried that I couldn't do this that I wouldn't be strong enough to do this slowly, I want it to happen now. I am being silly and 12 months is not a huge chunk of time out of my life, so why am I wishing my life away. I need to work on the focusing on the here and now, enjoy the sounds, sights and smells, enjoy who I am discovering myself to be. I guess start actually living life, get outside and enjoy myself. Although I don't find this exercise caper enjoyable yet lol.

There is so much about this journey that is head space. I have had to start seeing my demons and becoming aware of those things. I have to stop trying to be the person I thing people want me to be, stop trying to please family and to live a life I feel guilty to have stopped being lived. I have to stop putting up my walls, and actually let others in, really in. I hide allot of me because I am worried that people wont like me if I am negative or not good enough.

My weight has been and still is such a big issue between Simon and I, for some many reasons, some mine some his, but instead of talking about it and involving him in my fears and thoughts, I have hidden them and struggled on my own, always feeling like I wasn't good enough. Now i try and talk to him about my thoughts and what I am doing, I also try and do exercise with him or while he is around. I never use to as I was always to embarrassed, which is silly its not like he doesn't know what I look like, and doing it together is something he enjoys.

My friend B posted recently about the mind set, I sort of got a feeling of which should come first. I change my mind on this. I am currently feeling and thinking, they go hand in hand, somewhere you have to want the weight loss, but also the healthy lifestyle, but you also have to want to look at your head, to think about why you do what you do and then plan a way around that, and then when all else fails, there is a 12wbt saying JFDI, just fucking do it.

I am getting better, and each step forward is a positive, and a slip up doesn't define me, it is now a learning opportunity.

We are doing our fitness test again this weekend, so that will be interesting. I have also joined the gym and for the first time ever done some classes which I am actually enjoying. I am enjoying it because I am going with the other girls from the group, I have some company and someone who will smile at me if I look at them and roll my eyes hehehehe. I still try and do some stuff outside and on my own, I keep pushing exercise has to be something I learn to love.

I am still having some issues with the food, I am not sure if counting calories is the right approach for me, and I am also not sure if I am on the right amount of calories, I have a feeling the level is to low for me. I am trying it on for size, becoming more aware of what I eat and the impact it has on my body. I am trying to include whole, unprocessed foods as often as possible, and a good source of protein at each meal. I continue to look and read about eating options and I continue to learn. I will get to a point where I find what works the best for my body. But for now I am happy to focus on good health whole foods, that fit within the calorie limit.

NOt really sure what this has been about or even the point, but that is my ramblings lol. xox

Start of the rest of the real me

Well the 12 wbt has started. I will post my before pics but be warned they are not nice at all.

On Sunday the 11th I did my fitness test
1km - 8.19
Wall Sit - 1.37 although I was screaming twinkle twinkle little star at the end, anything to keep my mind off what I was doing.
Flexibility - +14cms, wow I can bend hehehe
Push-up - 23 in a minute on knees, and I don't go low enough.

I was quite surprised with my numbers, I jogged 1 1/2 laps of the 1 km it was 2 1/2 laps, I thought I would be over the 10 mins for sure and that I would be crawling at the end.
The wall sit also surprised me I use to be4 able to do them for 2 mins, but that was about 5 years ago lol. It was pure grit that kept me there and also the fact that I feel this level of ownership over the facebook page and I needed to show them I could do it.

So I have had two days of eating right, and have done exercise on both days. I am feeling more positive and more focused which helps. It is weigh in day tomorrow and that is always such a hard day for me I am so worried about not losing weight, which is a possibility as until yesterday my food was crap, but I tend to get caught up in not losing and feel really negative. So I have decided to post on the facebook page that I will be exercising at the lake at 9:30, that way if I do have a bad weigh in I know I have kept myself on track.

Well food wise I have had
Breakfast
Special K, Boiled egg with 2 pieces of wholegrain toast with avocado.

Lunch
Curried egg, lettuce and sprout sandwich, Chicken with herbed yogurt sauce and salad.

Tea
Chicken with Herbed yogurt sauce and salad, char-grilled beef with salsa.

Amazingly I have liked avocado, last time i tried it, I didn't like it, mind you that was 12 yrs ago lol.

Well OK I think I am heading in the right direction.
Big loves to everyone xox

Where to from here

Well yet again I haven't been consistent with my blog. I am just finding that my head is so not where it should be. I now have all the info and the 12WBT starts on Monday, tomorrow there is a few of us doing our fitness test, and tonight I will be doing my pictures and me4asuerments. Not looking forward to any of those things at all.

I am finding it really hard to even want to do this, it all feels to hard already and I am feeling some what defeated at the moment and over come by everything. I am really hoping that I can just do robot mode and do what needs to be done and that some where along the line my head will follow.

I really am trying to get in here more often. Tomorrow I will have my fitness stats and also my before pic to show you all,

Danielle

Food for Monday 29th and plan for tomorrow

Well
Breakfast
special K with skim milk
Snack
fried mushrooms, ham, eggs on wholemeal toast
Lunch
Salad wrap with roast beef
Tea
Low Fat oven baked Chicken Parma, steam veggies, grilled zucchini and sweet potato mash
Snack
Low fat yogurt 100 grams and 3 strawberries.

Water 1.4 liters

Treadmill for 15 mins, was aiming for 25 but someone woke up lol.

Tomorrow exercises

I am thinking Kinects at 11 am, walk at 2pm and treadmill when Jhett goes to sleep.

My commitment

I commit to respecting and honouring myself by eating nourishing foods and using my body for what it is designed, physical activity. I am committed to respecting and supporting myself through erasing my negative self-talk and excuses. I am committed to transforming my body into a power house, to completing in a body sculpting competition – to highlight my strength and tone, to becoming an accomplished Burlesque performer – to highlight the sexiness that is my body and personality and to running a Marathon with Fi in 12 months time – to highlight my endurance, grit and staying power.

I am committed to doing this through consistency, organisation, belief in those that know better than me and my ability to fake it till I make it. I am committed to exercising 6 days per week, planning and sticking to my menu plan and completing all task’s set to the best of my ability and 10% more at all times. I am committed to supporting other through their journey and allowing myself to believe the advice and support I give to others. I am committed to making myself the best version of myself I can be through following the 12 wbt program at all times.

Ummmmmmmmm I just dont know

Hey everyone.

So much for posting everyday.

I just can not get my head around actually walking the walking and not just talking the talk. I am full of advice and support and encouragement for everyone else but I just can't seem to transfer that to myself.

Things aren't to bad at the moment, emotionally things have slowed down but I just feel like I kinda don't live in my body at the moment, like I am disconnected some where along the line.

I am trying to sort myself out, trying to get back to some sort of even playing field.

I will work on getting here more regularly, I am thinking at night to plan my next day and to update on the days activity and food. Maybe that will help me to just do what needs to be done.

Ok well I will be back tonight.......

Welcome back

Hey Everyone, big shout out to Ms Bianca, this is for you my love

I know I have been missing in action for quite a while now, the last few weeks have been a bit full on emotionally and I have really fallen off the wagon.

Ms Melons and I are no longer friends due to some action that were taken by Ms Melons, this is something that caused me a great deal of pain and really sent my spiralling for a while. I have decided that I will not be her victim and I will be stronger and better.

I have joined up with the Michelle Bridges 12WBT program, pre-season started this week. I am excited and scared. We have a group of about 30 people all from this area who all seem really excited about the program and I am looking forward to getting to know them and share this journey with them.

My eating and excercise are so not happening at the moment. Today I haven't had any choc and although I haven't excercised I have a plan lol.

My task on the 12WBT program today is to write out all my excuses for why I dont JFDI (just fucking do it). I am avoiding it lol.

So I am now working on back to blogging everyday. So here we go again guys ,this time with renewed determination.

Here is the link to my youtube intro for the 12wbt program
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teWoINv64qI&feature=related

Night all xox